Before the ride.
Nb1: This blog is being created by an AI chatbot (ChatGPT)
Nb2: Click on photos to enlarge.
An account of our ride from Corryong in Vic to Goolwa in SA.
“My memory is my memory, it does what it does,
gathers and curates as it sees fit, and there’s just
as much truth in what I remember and how I
remember it as there is in so-called objective facts."
Prince Harry
‘Spare’
From: Office of NSW Minister for Tourism and Lands
To: Mr Chalkie
Dear Mr Chalkie
Thank you for your request for entry permits to NSW for a group of West Australians riding the Source to Sea Trail. Unfortunately, we cannot approve the entry to our State of such a motley-sounding group as this with their well-documented lack of culture, lack of sophistication and lack of anything, really, that makes life tolerable unless you can provide a personal guarantee that you will chaperone this group and answer for their being able to conform to at least minimum standards of civilised behaviour, e.g. eating with a knife and fork, showing deference and respect to their betters (i.e. everyone else), knowing the difference between red and white wines etc. Oh, and did I mention the $1,500 visa fee applicable in such cases?
Yours etc
Marcus Higginsbotham (For the Minister)
14 November, 2019
From: Office of NSW Minister for Tourism and Lands
To: Mr Chalkie
Dear Mr Chalkie
I am encouraged by your reply that you have had a long and successful career in dealing (as you say) “with the sort of rabble that comes out of the west.” Along with your personal guarantee of their good behaviour, I am inclined to grant their entry visas. And as you say, the fee should be waived because even though Premier Parrothead continually complains about the unfairness of it, we are still ripping them off with the GST as they only recover 70c for every $1 they collect, hahaha!.
Yours etc
Marcus Higginsbotham (For the Minister)
15 December, 2019
And so you
can see, we are forced to bring that annoying Chalkie along with us, much to
everyone else’s disgust.
The Riders
We, in this case, are the former participants of the 2014 Tour de Nullarbor (Tour de Nullarbor and beyond: The Crossing. (spikeyspokey.blogspot.com))
Newcomers on this trip are Faybie, Kaybie, Ganners, and Antonio.
Sadly, two of the members of our 2014 team are no longer with us. Ms Cocky, baker of 1000 nutritious scones which fuelled us on the first part of our journey, and Tradie, the strong man of the peleton. Always to the fore when the going was tough. They are never forgotten and are in our thoughts always.Their spirit and memory live on.
The Guv (l) and Shedman (r) who began the journey with us in 2014 but abandoned us at Norseman will not be accompanying us this time. They have not yet returned to Perth and it is presumed they are still wandering around in the bush somewhere.
The Bad Guys
Faybie (bottom left)
Kaybie
Ms Twinkletoes
Ms Tradie
Origins of ride
This trip was initially proposed by SASMan in 2019, to take place in 2020. Chalkie, on the strength of the above email from the Minister's Office, insisted that he would do all the planning of the route, reconnaissance visits and liaison with accommodation providers along the way. Without wishing to cast nasturtiums on his abilities in any way, something that SASMan would have knocked over in a week has taken Chalkie 3 years plus to organise. He keeps coming up with unbelievable excuses like fires, or it’s been raining or some people have caught the ‘flu etc. It’s unclear why he can’t just ‘fess up to a total lack of efficiency. In spite of this, we wish to acknowledge the time and effort Chalkie has put into this adventure and to thank him for his work on our behalf.
We are now scheduled to start rolling down to the sea on 1 March, 2023.
The two officials (below) from the World Anti-Doping Authority (WADA) joined us at Gundagai in 2014 when news of Chalkie's rampant drug-taking became known.
Having learnt in advance of our proposed trip, WADA insisted on their agents accompanying us from the start. OneOfThem (right) is so dedicated to her task that she took the somewhat unusual step of actually marrying Chalkie in order to be able to keep a 24-hour watch on his activities. TheOtherOne (left) will ensure that OneOfThem is not bribed or corrupted by Chalkie.Driving
As we will be travelling with 3 Support Vehicles (SUVs), it will be necessary for riders to share driving duties. As most cyclists are reluctant to get off their bikes to assist in this, two presentations will be made at the end of the journey to encourage more driving. One, ‘The Helpful Driver’ award, will honour the person who helped the most by doing the least amount of riding; the other, the ‘Selfish Rider’ raspberry award,
will shame the rider who clocked up the most kms on their bike, thus helping least in sharing the driving duties.
A daily tally of kms ridden will be provided.
Discipline
As
was shown in 2014, a strict system of fines will be necessary to ensure participants
adhere at all times to acceptable standards of riding and social behaviour. PubServ, who proved a most unpopular fines master in 2014, thus demonstrating how well
he carried out this role with neither fear nor favour, will again undertake the
daily provision of a ‘Fines Register’, where necessary. Fines will be $1 and all monies collected
will be paid to Ms Tradie who will donate them to ongoing research into
Parkinson’s disease. It is expected that
all fines will be paid promptly. Any attempts
to appeal, complain or otherwise whinge will be dealt with swiftly by a
doubling of the fine.
by a deadly Nullarbor Yellow Banded Rattlesnake.
Ms Tradie was on the phone immediately to the RFDS who arrived within hours and carted him off
to the Ceduna Hospital. After keeping him overnight for observation, doctors declared it was his wrinkly skin, as tough as inch-thick, dried-out old leather that probably saved him. A broken fang of the snake was found embedded in it. Sources at the hospital told Cocky he was extremely lucky as up to 50 people per year die from bites from this snake while crossing the Great Plain.
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